GRE Grief-Resentment-Exasperation

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.                — Norman Douglas

GRE, why are you so vile? Why do you plague me with incessant worry, sleepless nights, and persistent intestinal issues? (Though that last inconvenience may have resulted from the weeks-old chicken my Dad tried to hide in the pasta sauce).

For those of you who don’t know, the GRE officially stands for Graduate Record Examinations and is used by universities’ graduate programs to determine an applicant’s competency.

Unofficially, the GRE stands for the Gigantic Rectal Exploration and is used by universities to test the levels of masochism inherent in their students.

Similar to the SAT used by undergraduate programs to determine an applicant’s aptitude on a standardized test, the GRE is a 3.5 hour test taken at a specific testing site, at a specific testing time, for a specific testing price, i.e. $150.

And considering the current market value of misery, $150 seems a little steep.

The test is broken into an hour of essay writing, and five, half-hour blocks of alternating tests on mathematics and vocabulary/reading comprehension. And one of those half-hour blocks (which one they don’t tell you) literally doesn’t affect your score and is only put in place to wear you out while taking the test.

That section’s my favorite.

Now, typically I enjoy tests that allow me to demonstrate my superior knowledge compared to those around me. However, the GRE doesn’t ask any questions about fantasy literature, Seinfeld episodes, or the number of stairs leading from my basement to the first floor (…and sixteen would be the answer to that one).

What’s most irritating, however, is that instead of really testing a student’s ability at math or reading comprehension, the test just actually measures your ability to take their test.

But if the test only measures your ability to take the test, how will that help anyone determine your ability to succeed in graduate in school?

As studies have found, it doesn’t: http: //thislink.goe/s==now#ere

Fortunately, you and I both know that you didn’t click on that link to validate my claim, because it goes nowhere. If you look, I just made it up on the spot.

Why would I do something so preposterous?

Well, let’s hypothetically suppose that the GRE actually does predict (albeit moderately) how well your grades will be in your first year of graduate school. And let’s continue to hypothetically suppose there is evidence to confirm this.

Those then, hypothetically speaking, may be reasons why I would make up such a link.

Back to studying,

jdt